If there’s one thing that can weigh us down more than anything, it’s the endless list of “shoulds.” You know what I’m talking about: I should be more successful by now, I should be a better parent, I should be more organized. The “shoulds” are relentless. They creep into every corner of our lives, telling us how we ought to behave, who we ought to be, and what we need to achieve.
But here’s the thing: those “shoulds” are not your truth. They are external judgments—pressures that come from society, from family, from social media, and sometimes from our own self-imposed standards. And in my experience, the more we live by the “shoulds,” the further we drift away from our core selves.
Letting go of the “shoulds” isn’t easy, but I promise you, it’s worth it. When you release those external expectations, you make room for something much more valuable: the freedom to be truly you.
Why Do We Let the “Shoulds” Control Us?
The reason the “shoulds” are so powerful is because they tap into our desire to belong. As human beings, we’re wired to seek connection and approval from others. So when society or our families tell us we should behave a certain way, it’s tempting to listen.
I’ve been there. I’ve lived with the weight of “shoulds” telling me what kind of person, mother, or business owner I needed to be. For a long time, I thought that if I just followed those rules, I’d find success and happiness. But the truth is, the more I tried to fit into those boxes, the more disconnected I felt from myself.
How to Let Go of the “Shoulds”
So, how do you start letting go of the “shoulds” and reclaiming your authentic self? It’s a process, and it takes practice. But here are a few things that have helped me along the way:
- Recognize the “Shoulds” for What They Are
The first step is becoming aware of when you’re living according to someone else’s expectations. When you catch yourself thinking, I should do this, take a moment to ask yourself: Where is this coming from? Is it something you genuinely believe, or is it an external expectation you’ve internalized? Once you start identifying the “shoulds,” it becomes easier to release them. - Replace “Should” with “Want”
One of the most freeing changes I’ve made in my life is replacing the word “should” with “want.” Instead of saying, I should work harder, I ask myself, Do I want to work harder? Do I really want to make that choice, or am I doing it because I feel like I have to? When you start making decisions based on what you want instead of what you think you should do, your life starts to feel a lot more authentic. - Let Go of Perfection
Perfectionism is one of the biggest “shoulds” out there. I should be perfect, I should have everything together. But here’s the truth: perfection doesn’t exist. The more you chase it, the more disappointed and overwhelmed you’ll feel. I’ve learned to embrace the fact that I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay. Living authentically means accepting your imperfections and showing up as your real, flawed, human self.
Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?
If you’re finding it hard to let go of the “shoulds,” you’re not alone. It’s tough to release the expectations that have been drilled into us for so long. Sometimes, it feels easier to follow the crowd than to stand on our own. But I’ve learned that the only way to find true happiness is to stop trying to fit into the mold and start embracing who I really am.
One of the biggest challenges for me was letting go of the need for approval. I wanted to make everyone happy—my family, my clients, even society at large. But when I was constantly seeking approval, I wasn’t living for myself. And the more I let go of needing that external validation, the more at peace I became.
How Do You Know If You’re Letting the “Shoulds” Go?
So, how do you know if you’re on the right track? For me, the answer lies in how I feel. When I’m living authentically, I feel lighter. I’m not weighed down by the constant pressure of meeting other people’s expectations. Instead, I feel free to make choices that align with my core values and desires.
Here are a few signs that you’re letting go of the “shoulds” and living authentically:
- You feel more at ease: There’s a sense of calm that comes from living in alignment with your true self. You’re no longer battling with the pressure to be something you’re not.
- You make decisions with confidence: When you’re clear on who you are and what you want, decision-making becomes easier. You don’t second-guess yourself as much because you’re acting in alignment with your core.
- You feel less stressed: The “shoulds” create stress and anxiety because they push you to live a life that isn’t yours. Letting go of them frees you from that constant pressure and allows you to focus on what truly matters.
Releasing the “Shoulds” in Business
Letting go of the “shoulds” isn’t just a personal journey—it applies to business too. For a long time, I felt like I had to run my business a certain way, follow a specific formula, and meet other people’s standards of success. But the more I let go of those external expectations, the more I built a business that truly felt like mine.
Here’s what I’ve learned: when you release the “shoulds” in your business, you create something that’s aligned with your core values. You work with clients who inspire you, and you build a brand that reflects who you really are. And that’s when the magic happens—when your business becomes an extension of your true self.
The Freedom to Be You
At the end of the day, letting go of the “shoulds” is about reclaiming your freedom. It’s about giving yourself permission to be exactly who you are, without apology. I know it can feel daunting to release the expectations of others, but trust me, it’s the most liberating thing you can do.
When you stop living for other people and start living for yourself, you’ll find a new sense of purpose, joy, and fulfillment. You’ll discover that the life and business you’ve always wanted aren’t found in someone else’s definition of success—they’re found in your own.